Who Am I?

February 4, 2012 § 3 Comments

–          I am one of the biggest egotistical and self-absorbed personalities you ever met.

–          I also happen to be one of the most insecure and emotionally despondent people you’ll come across.

–          I am a control freak. More than half the time, I make the wrong decisions affecting every member of my family, but since I’m infallible, I’ll repeat those same decisions and be aghast should you dare point out that I’d once again met failure.

–           If I can’t have things my way, I throw temper tantrums like a petulant toddler.

–          I was raised by my mother and sisters, and probably never lifter a finger to do any manual work until I was sent off to boarding school, but you’d be amazed by how little respect I have for women.

–          I see the wife as no more than a housekeeper, personal live-in chef, my on-demand sex toy, and baby incubator.

–          I married young and stayed with my children’s mother not out of love, but simply out of some filial obligation even when I knew from the jump that I probably never fell in love with her. Come to think of it, I’ve probably never been in love.

–          Today, I quietly fantasize about that 20-something I often see around my neighborhood, and keep repeating my pathetic and borderline sexually-harassing “romance” overtures to her even though I’ve been rejected on every try.

–          Tomorrow, I hope to make it big, and then I can afford to buy her affection since I’ve long and probably never had any flirting skills, and I understand spending money is a surefire way to get a girl’s panties off.

–          It’s tomorrow. Sure, I have a family of five and school fees to pay for my kids, but I need to take my Legon hussy on that London trip; and buy her that car she really doesn’t need. I’m probably not the only 50-something she’s dating. I’m also aware of that steady college boyfriend she has, and even though she has only given me some once in our 6 months together, I’ll keep investing in hopes that one of these days, she’ll be so taken by my generosity that she’ll let me in again.

–          I am low on cash as my lover has bilked me off all I make lately. But she’s got that laugh, and that twinkle in her eye… although this only seems to happen when I come bearing cash. Naturally, I’m going to take out all my frustration on my subservient and in denial wife.

–          It’s Sunday, and I will profess to all beyond earshot about the virtues of religion and my living proof of unquestioned faith in the lord, and how I’ve maintained a loving and tightly bound family unit. I resent my wife and kids and wish I could be rid of them, but can’t. Tonight, I’ll sit in quiet solitude on my porch daydreaming about that 19-year-old with perky tits who shook my hand after service this morning. 

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§ 3 Responses to Who Am I?

  • jennifer says:

    I was reading this to nut husband, who is ghanaian, and you just described his father to a tee! Thanks for the dose of humor and reality this morning .

  • Chris says:

    Ok….thought you were talking about my dad there for a minute. scared the hell out of me. Then I remembered, he’s not here anymore. May his poor soul rest in eternal peace, never to disturb mine again. (I know, I’m a heartless, ungrateful, bitch of a daughter) LOL. Call me!!

  • Mike says:

    I basically took the few men above age 50 I’ve met and created a composite of them. No worries, I’ll call. It’s now 10p/min on Airtel!

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