5 Wonderful Things To Enjoy In Ghana – I

January 3, 2013 § 8 Comments

Before I start, if you know you might read your Bible sometime today, have quoted the Bible this past week on fb, are related to me, dating me, or you are someone I personally know who I’d be embarassed to know even glanced at this entry- do us both that kind gesture and quickly close this tab. Thank you.

I’m going to touch on 5 interesting things visitors and even those not-so-keenly-observant bodies already here might enjoy or find fascinating about Ghana.

Last thing…note that first warning. Don’t cring. Don’t judge. And definitely don’t jump the gun to criticize. You’d only be re-awakening the now dormant Mike who wrote those last two entries in less than 90 minutes.
So…ready? Today’s topic:


So where do we begin? Ok…I have one, you have one; I’d take an easy guess and say every human has one- one pair, that is. But…they aren’t all the same, now are they? Some are barely there that they aren’t even worth the energy it’ll take for your natural repulsion to eminate upon seeing them. Then there are those that draw these unexplainable, but bizzarely natural reactions. Mike Epps had a line in “Roscoe Jenkins” talking to Martin Lawrences’ character: “man, you need to get her pregnant!” That line wasn’t in reference to Lawrences’ character’s girlfriend’s looks. I’ve even heard stories where men would admit they married their wives simply because of it.

I don’t know where you’ve been on this planet, but they like to say South Koreans, Persians, Slavic and perhaps Swedes/Scandanavians make the most beautiful women. But that’s naturally a subjective measure. You could be a superbly carved size 2, but if your butt falls short (every pun intended), for me, you could easily drop from a 9.9 down to a 5.
That said, and all subjectivity be damned, I’d confidently state: Ghanaian women have the best asses in the world. Now, I’m not saying all of them do; that’s impossible. But if you doubt my assertion- even slightly- just go to Madina (or any slightly busy transit point in Accra) and do a slow 360. I’m a bit of a butt connaseur, so I’d like to pretend I have some authority on it. I can tell nearly exactly what kind of butt you have from looking at you from the front. I can even tell what permanent physiological changes it’ll go through after kids, in the next 5, 10, and even 20 years! Can you do that? If I don’t think yours has enough shape-holding power, I might look elsewhere.
Anyway, there are 3 main butts you’ll see that generally appear good looking, but only one is worth approaching. Mind you, we’re stripping out fat ones from this discussion. Fat is fat. If a girl drags her fat ass around thinking she’s all that, don’t be sucked in. You don’t want that jelly/puddy mass. Move on.

The first: these ones have a clay pot-shape to them. From a profile view, they might look great. But from the front, you’d notice their heavily padded hips (all fat like camel humps) protrude far wider than their shoulders and bust. They’re usually attached to heavy, chunky thighs. Look if you want, but those are very unstable. After 2 kids, that whole mass will double in size PERMANENTLY!  You don’t want that. Her breasts will still be that anaemic B-cup. Now, I’ve never cared about cup size. There’s far too many big tits in my family for me to really see them as things to go crazy over. But when a small cup is coupled with a 40+inch hip, that just ain’t right. (See Jocelyn Dumas)

The second: shape shifters. You can never quite tell what lies beneath. Yesterday, it was yay, today it’s ohhh, tomorrow, you’ll wonder “wtf happened!” This is a slightly broad category, but a lot of these get their shapes from whatever the woman wears- and the (legitimate) fear is, she’s aware and will never wear anything that doesn’t flatter her butt. Some of these are good to last, but many are disappointing when you see them upclose. I can’t say whether you should avoid these like the first, but if you’re a bit picky like me, you might be disappointed.

Finally: 3tõ. Here, you’re going to be very lucky. There’s a LOT of these everywhere in Ghana- from 4’10” to 5’9″ and the best part is: most of these women have no clue what they have. Nigerian women can’t match. In fact, I have yet to see any group of black people with this much perfection. A Ghanaian woman might butcher her face down to a 2, but her ass and frame clutching it will easily be a 9!
I met one the other day coming home from Adjirigano and it was too much. Now, I don’t mean size-wise. It was a perfect C. I couldn’t help but ask, “ehh! wei di… wo tõ ni?!” She giggled and stroked her hair a bit. I think she was slightly disappointed I didn’t follow up by stroking more of her ego. I had a taxi to catch.
I’m 99% of the time not interested and I think those words come out in that friendly way, too, instead of that creepy I-can’t-be-caught-alone-with-you-anywhere look. If you’re even a friend and for whatever reason, yours stands out one day, I just might give it the compliment it deserves. Try that sometime; just don’t be so effusive in your praise so as to turn her off.
Anyway, the best way I can describe this one is the bowl test. Take any regular plastic bowl and place it next to a wall (yes, ignore the flat bottom). real 3tõ usually starts 3-4″ above the tailbone. Most white women have theirs starting from the tailbone down. I said most, not all. Anyway, 3tõ doesn’t droop, sag, dimple…they can be firm, tight, or softer like Miss J’s, but they all defy gravity. Etõ is neither big nor small. It’s usually slightly bigger than the fom that holds it. Each girl even has her own signature walk giving her ass just that right bump from each step. It’s really something to see for yourself And they’re all a true natural wonder. A dress, skirt, short doesn’t need to flatter nor compliment it. It’s the other way around. If you want to encounter this sub-species, visit anywhere locals team in a frenzied/ busy atmosphere (Accra central shopping districts, markets, etc). Please don’t stop and stare, or oggle, or salivate, or pant like sad thirsty pups upon seeing Ghana’s open secret wonder. Afterwards, whenever someone mentions “nice ass” anywhere, you’ll have a quiet grin and briefly slip back in memory to Accra and Ghana, and feel sorry for your sad, uninformed friend. Sorry, ladies…I got nothing for you today (I don’t even notice the men).
Now, can you say ‘3tõ?’ If you can perfectly intone: “nnd3, wo tõ ay3 f3” to the right girl, you might get lucky and touch one! 😉


§ 8 Responses to 5 Wonderful Things To Enjoy In Ghana – I

  • Richard says:

    I want to commend your inspiration here. I want to commend you for talking about only one thing. I want to commend you for sharing something that I probably will never forget. I want to commend you for a totally positive story about the people around you. I want to commend you for your good taste. I too have always enjoyed this wonder of the world. Peace.

  • Richard says:

    What are the ‘five (5) wonderful things to enjoy in Accra’ ? Or did you just mean ‘Wonderful things to enjoy in Accra’ ?

    I cannot read Twi but I think I know what are saying! Peace.

    • Mike says:

      I plan on writing four more entries for each new thing I imagine ppl will enjoy.
      As for twi, with the girl at Adjirigano, I asked “on this one…is this your butt?”
      And at the end of the post, that phrase translates: “as for today (or today), your butt looks really good.”

  • Angelique says:

    looool now I’m beginning to wonder which number I’m in :-S

  • efiasworld says:

    Welcome back to the blogosphere my friend (the vain in me is thinking I have a lot to do with it ;-)) and a happy new year to you…your first paragraph was somewhat intriguing especially considering the content of this blog…exactly how many girls are you dating…lol, all the best for 2013

    • Mike says:

      Hi B! I hadn’t noticed you’d started writing again. I always saw that Tar’d entry and thought your new work had taken over all your time. It’s 5:20am (starting oven fire) and I’m back in bed reading what I’d missed.

      No girlfriends here! I went to visit my aunt New Year’s and met a friend and started chatting about school and her fam. My ex also lives directly across the street (20′) . Suffice it to say, she saw us and gave us this 10-min cold stare that I thought I better cover all bases here. There are a few women in Accra who act like they hate my guts, but will react like spurned lovers if they saw me talking to other women.

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