What’s The Upside Of Lying?
November 8, 2016 § 3 Comments
Two younger male friends said something to me this past week that struck me a bit. In rethinking back on those separate convos, I know I shouldn’t be that naive about what they said, but on some level, I’m amazed that they were comfortable with the reality they painted. That reality was essentially this:
Ghanaian women lie all the time.
The first guy admitted and was even resigned to accepting the reality that his girlfriend plays the field behind him, and that since its Gh, she was going to do it anyway.
We’d been talking about the main subject from my previous entry. The second guy is single by choice and was so, largely because he, too, didn’t see any value in the dating games Ghanaian women seem very accustomed to.
I get when you’re hedging and being cautious about who to slope with, especially if you’re futuring and trying to make sure you find the best possible life partner. But what I don’t get is the level at which the Ghanaian woman are so comfortable with lying. She’d be in bed with one guy and tell you she’s home trying to sleep. That guy wouldn’t care if she turns over to then whatsapp other men. After all, like the first guy, he, too has accepted this is what they all do, so you don’t risk upsetting her when all you’re looking to do is get laid.
I make a bad boyfriend here. If you’re a woman who’s particularly secretive and likes to juggle several love interests, I’m usually the type you prefer to avoid. I never forget anything you say, so if your stories and excuses don’t add up, my warning bells start ringing. I test you to see what your tell is, then from there, I’m always able to see when you’re lying. And I also almost never go by what you say, but by what you do.
When they see that I can and will check on them, they keep their distance. I can and will respect your privacy. I can give you space to breathe and have your independence. But what I cannot entertain is that constant reel of lies.
So that takes me back to my initial fascination with this behavior I think is uniquely Ghanaian: why lie?
What is gained in the long term from all those lies? The men who approach you and make promises; wine and dine you- all know you’re full of lies. The cool calm, seemingly aloof 20-something who doesn’t rock the boat when you call other men in his presence also knows you’re full of lies. He could even know you’re coming to his bed from another man’s bed and will still not say anything all in the hopes of getting some. Then there’s guys who are genuinely interested in that long-term relationship, who aren’t willing to play games. They, too, quickly see right through your bs and peel away.
Here’s what ends up happening: those who play along all end up uselessing you. A guy freely admitted this and I’d heard it said elsewhere. And what they’ll say is this: “if she brings it, I’ll eat.”
The men know and now know how to play you to get into your pants. And the good ones either stay clear or you just avoid you when they let you know they see right through you. So if this is what the lies and games get you, why continue with it?